The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Mark Manson
I chose this book because I tend to give a lot of fucks, how Mark says. The problem is not about giving fucks though – that itself is normal and even important for all human being in order to live our lives successfully. The problem comes when we give fucks about too much. Mark says, and I agree, we have only limited fucks to give in our life. And so we have to be very careful and mindful about - What is it that we value enough to give our fucks about? In other words, we cannot care deeply about everything that goes on cause if we do, we are unhappy. What is actually in our hands that we can change? What is in our power that we can use our energy and “fucks” in order to do something about?
When we worry about things, we ourselves cannot change, we become frustrated. Let´s make an example of the current coronavirus situation. The coronavirus is here, it has an impact on all of us, people get sick and there are restrictions connected to this whole problem. Those are some simple facts. Facts same for everyone, on they own very neutral. Now, it is up to us what we decide to do about this. Is this worth my fucks? And if so, what can I do to make it better? Do I feel like it is my mission to get actively involved in any coronavirus aid? Do I feel like I want to support some local businessman in order for them not to close down their whole business? Do I feel like I want to support my family? Maybe I have enough to do with myself in order to get through this. Or maybe my fucks have nothing to do with the epidemy and I will keep doing whatever it is I have been doing until now because that is where most of my fucks go and I simply don´t have space for any more fucks to give. And all of these are more than okay. Because in my opinion it is better to decide not to get disturbed and keep the stuff I work on already on the track when obviously we cannot do something about everything that goes wrong in the world. Let me name a few things – wars, climate change, rape, racism, cancer, drug cartels, poverty, working children, family abuse, abuse at the workplace, prosecuted prime minister, data misuse, basic rights forbidden, animal abuse, arrogant shop assistant at Billa, not doing enough of training, reading and practice (something I think many of us should give more fucks about), missing a train, loosing a job, setting goals I never reach…
There is just so much happening in our lives. No single person can possibly take in so much. And I think there is a really bright side to this. When we find out what are the things we want to give our fucks about, then maybe the fucks can really be worth something. Then maybe it won´t be just another thing we wish was different, it won´t be another frustration we can´t do anything about. Maybe if we choose the things carefully and connect them with our strengths, we will have enough energy and will power to invest our attention, our time, our money perhaps. Basically, we will have enough energy to invest ourselves in the matter and make a real difference. In our lives, in lives of other people, in the world – depending on what we give our fucks about.
And it is also connected to what we are willing to struggle for. When we have a vision, we have to evaluate if it is worth the pain that comes along the way. Do we want to do the hard work? Are we actually willing to sacrifice our comfort? Do we want to invest our time and effort into it? Negative emotions are also a part of our lives. How we handle them and what we do about them is what matters. And as Mark says, our pain often makes us stronger and more resilient. Pain is part of the process.
Doing is the key. Way too often we get stuck on a problem and have so much why´s and how´s in our minds. “If you´re stuck on a problem, don´t sit there and think about it; just start working on it. Even if you don´t know what you´re doing, the simple act of working on it will eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.” I recently realized that doing is actually something that can solve a lot of our problems. I used to search for the perfect way and analysed everything way too much. Then I started to see all of the obstacles and difficulties that were about to come along the way. And that´s where I went wrong. I felt paralysed and overwhelmed even before I actually started doing something. And way too often I gave up because I didn´t see a way out. So - I am learning to focus on what really matters. I started choosing more mindfully what I give a fuck about. It doesn´t mean I don´t feel scared anymore, I just find it a little bit easier to stay on top of things instead of getting anxious over stuff that most of the times is not even real. Stepping out of this bubble of our securities and insecurities - that itself is terrifying. You kind of have to get over yourself in order to be more free. And It feels like you lose a part of yourself. And I have to say, it is worth the effort.
